


Team A, B, C, and D.

by Shotthroughttheheart



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Bitches Condom Blockers and Denials, Crack, M/M, Sex Talk, Sexual Positions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7947430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shotthroughttheheart/pseuds/Shotthroughttheheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Gentlemen, remember these men are armed and dangerous. And we need to do this undercover right, while team A and team B cover around the back ends, so team C and team D can get the drop on them. Any questions?" Raising my hand, I planned for my next life once I get this out.</p><p>"Yes Spider-Man."</p><p>"So what's the name for teams A, B, C, and D. Is it Anal, Bitches, Condom Blockers, and Denial?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Why isn't this self-explanatory?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722354) by [DimensionWarper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionWarper/pseuds/DimensionWarper). 



> This was taken from "Why isn't this self-explanatory?!"
> 
> EDIT: yes I realize this story was ooc and cracky, which is meant to be. Personally I don't see enough 'crack' stories. I would suggest to ignore the ooc of everyone in this whole story. 
> 
> Think of it like Peter took some type of drugs and somehow is the most sassiest person here.

5\. Please don't discuss sex positions during important missions. (from the fantabulous Just a random passerby) (Stolen from DimensionWarper)  
____________________________________

Its been a few months since Steve (a.k.a. Captain America) told my team (Ultimate and Web-Warriors) about his love life with, not just one but two men in his life. Tony Stark (a.k.a. Iron Man) and Bucky (a.k.a. Winter Solider). And today, we were at an important meeting with Director Fury, Agent Coulson, the Avengers and of course my teams.

"Gentlemen, remember these men are armed and dangerous. And we need to do this undercover right, while team A and team B cover around the back ends, so team C and team D can get the drop on them. Any questions?" Raising my hand, I planned for my next life once I get this out.

"Yes Spider-Man."

"So what's the name for teams A, B, C, and D. Is it Anal, Bitches, Condom Blockers, and Denial?" Someone had to lift the mood, and oh my god, Nick gave me this 'please just shut the fuck up' look. But that didn't stop almost everyone from choking, laughing, or dying from embarrassment.

Turning my head around, I saw Tony's hand which I gave it a simple clap while my attention was on my teams which were dying laughing. That was until Nick pulled the biggest 'dick' card out there. "No, A is for 'Get your asses up'. B is for 'Bitches turn around'. C is for 'Cunt suckers'. And D is for 'Dont make me call your Aunt'." The burn was too real.

But at least everyone was laughing.

_____________________  
(Time Skippy)  
_____________________

By the time everyone was moving in the building; Bucky, Tony, and Steve were talking about their current positions. "We could try 'Over the counter'. Then afterwords the 'Doggy Paddle'." Normally I would be questioning what they were talking about but right now, I am choking on air. And I wasn't the only one.

"Not right now Soldier. We have a mission to do." Hearing this I couldn't stop my mouth from running. "You mean undo it." Leaving it as a statement than a question, I quickly turn my attention to Agent Venom who is trying hard not to fall to the floor and become a puddle of black sludge.

"Guys, have you ever heard of the crazy oil treatment that the Turkish use for oil fighting? I heard you need to warm it up enough that there are little bits of bubble and slowly pour it on your lover."

Noticing how my teammates were failing to keep a straight face, I signaled them to stay. Softly, I lowered myself to the floor as the enemy were sleeping. Stepping a bit closer, I could hear their breathing which was soft and even. Except for a few who were snoring loudly.

"We could try the yoga positions while one racks the other. I heard its good for certain parts of the body." Wanting nothing better than pull out the communicator and laughing loudly. But we were on a mission, which we happened to find. Looking at IronFist, I nodded at him.

"Team Anal and Bitches, we found our targets." Stopping what I was doing, I tried to cover my face but soon enough I was shuffling my laughter so I didn't wake up our enemies.

But that was also too soon. Because SHEILD soon tapped in our com link and spoke, "You need to stop talking about sex positions while everyone at home is listening."

Let's just say everyone did an embarrassing training exercise in the desert.


	2. Aftermath of Anal, Bitches, Condom Blockers, and Denials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey'o, I think there should be an aftermath of this lovely crack story. Without further due, let's get into it.

So here I am swinging through Queens to get to HQ but you see something made me stop. Now you must be wondering, but spidey what made you stop? That I will answer, I was listening to the radio and at first wasn't listening to it. But then there was this loud 'beep' that you get when covering bad words or something else.

Well by that point, I got curious. So I swung up to a flat building and listened to the radio. And thats when I heard my voice said "Team A and B, we found our targets." But that wasn't the cherry on top. The cherry on top was the fact that three-fourths of the conversation was bleeped out.

I was laughing so hard that I clutched my sides and lay on the favorite side. I had to show my teammates this. Getting myself together, I quickly flown past the building.

By the time I made it to HQ, I already had it searched up. Smirking under my mask, I found where most of my teammates were at. But you see I found the non-censored one where we get to hear about their reactions.

"Alright everyone, I have a plan and this involves both Ultimates and Web-Warriors to be present. Get in pajamas, grab whatever to eat or drink or blankets and pillows to lay on. Because I got something you don't want to miss." Seeing some of their looks I could tell they really don't want to do it. But others seem reluctant enough. Like this, everyone soon started to pour out of the room to do any on the following. Pulling out my communicator, I called up the rest of the Web-Warriors for something they cannot miss.

By the time everyone was done and ready, I began to play the video. Let's say this was the best thing that happened all week.


End file.
